Perfectionism and Me

For many many years now, I have tried to be perfect. Heaven forbid that I made a mistake or did something wrong. Who gets to determine what is "wrong" anyway? It certainly wasn't me. Mistakes, if I did make them, were relived again and again. Each time, I kicked myself a little harder. I spent so much time and effort making sure that I couldn't be accused of making any wrong turns. Who was I doing that for?

In interviews, I used to answer with great pride that perfectionism was one of my faults. Afterall, who wouldn't want someone on their payroll looking after details and contingencies. Lately I have come to see it as a true fault. Trying to love myself though, faults and all.

By making every effort to prevent mistakes, I was denying myself lessons in self love and acceptance... of being human. There are lessons to learn, painful as they might be, in making mistakes. I never saw it as loving myself enough. I do now. It doesn't make it easier to make mistakes but I now see it as doing more harm than good. It's still ok that I'm perfectionistic but I'll try to be gentler on myself and allow myself to make them. Afterall, wouldn't I do that for my friends and loved ones? Shouldn't I be just as kind to myself?