What does one do when their old way of thinking doesn't work for them anymore. When they can't even remember how. But the new way is not ingrained yet and it's a moment by moment way of being? Is there a self help author addressing that? Cause I really need that book. No wait. Isn't the answer in me? Now? I am, of course, still trying too hard. How I wish I could just shed the old ways with a blink of an eye. There's that patience thing again. If I have learned one thing so far, it is that the patience that I'm trying to cultivate needs to begin with me. When I listen in on how I am talking to my self, I hear a need to be more gentle and kind. Why would I talk to my self like that when I wouldn't dream of talking that way to anyone else?
I made that my intention when I practiced yoga yesterday and amazingly, I was kind to my self. I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection sitting there with a straight back ("nice") and then noticed my very sturdy middle, grounding me on the floor. Oh, that's interesting. I briefly thought "I never noticed that before". Then I found myself accepting, really accepting the wide spread middle and loving my soul.
I also couldn't stand on my left leg at all throughout the entire practice but that was ok too. I used to give myself a hard time. That's when I realized that any steps towards internalizing the new stuff would not come with fanfare or a lightening bolt. It might only last for a short while too. I will learn my new habits through consistent practice. Essential to this process is the art of being truly patient and kind with myself. These new ways will float into my life, bit by bit, day by day. If I want to see progress, I'll need to pay attention. I was observing yesterday and I celebrated the moment.
