Enough Time

I have found a strange and wonderful thing about time. When I slow down and live in each heartbeat, I find that time seems to slow down. I will have spent what I thought was a long time doing something, only to check the clock and be very pleasantly surprised. It leaves me thinking there might just be enough time.

Enough time to figure it all out. Enough time to find out who I am inside. Enough time to realize my potential. Enough time to savour the moments we get. The moments that string together to create our lives. When I am awake in each moment, each precious now is lived to its utmost. Each precious gift is unwrapped and fully enjoyed. Each moment is enough.

Obituaries

I've just read his obituary. It was a lengthy article from the Toronto Star and right in the middle of it there is a picture of him standing alone and smiling at the camera. He stood beside a Superman image. How his family must treasure that photo now. We never think about the potential impact of a photo. We try to capture a moment whose significant is never truly known... until something tragic happens. By the touching accounts from his family and friends, he was a super man.

As I read the details of this near stranger, it struck me that writing this type of obituary would be a tough job. How can a person be summarized in so many words or less? I don't envy the writer who had to describe the soul of a man who meant the world to so many. How difficult was it to gather information from love ones when the pain is still so fresh and raw? The writer interviewed his younger brother, someone we went to high school with. That made it hit closer to home somehow, seeing his name in the obituary. My sadness for his family grows.

Precious Life

I found out about the sudden death of a distant relative yesterday. He was only a few years older than me. While I did not know him, it fills me with sadness. It drives home the message that life is short and so very fragile.

He was a man who was successful by society's standards, had a family and by all accounts was a good and caring soul. So how can someone like that just get off the treadmill at home, tell his daughter he is lying down for a bit cause he had a headache and then pass away in his sleep? I am sad for him, for his grieving family and friends, for the life he might have had. I wonder if he appreciated what he had. I wonder if he is at peace. I hope so. I hope that his loved ones find the strength to go on with their lives without him. I hope that they are able to remember the good he brought into their lives. I hope that I remember, as often as I can, that life is precious and short. I hope I can wake up every morning and be thankful to be alive for another day. I hope I remember.

Enough

Feeling lighter and freer already. I've managed to stop worrying about forgetting key points I've read lately. It seemed that every book I picked up, every turn I took to investigate what was out there for me to learn, there was at least one thing I wanted to remember. I was waiting till all these little pieces fell together to give me a clearer picture of the puzzle. I've put aside all the notes, the flash cards, and the quotes for now. For the time being, it's enough just to meditate on this one point. This mind-boggling yet elegantly simple premise.

I have compared "enough" with "acceptance" and "surrender". Enough still wins out. I have been working on these concepts for months now and this one word has stopped me in my tracks and has shone a bright light on my path. So I am wondering now if I continue to ask myself questions like: what if who I am is enough, what if how my life is right now is enough, what if all that I have is enough? I'm not ready to throw myself wholeheartedly into this proclamation yet but what if...

Growth Spurt

Where is the fanfare? I didn't hear any trumpets, drums and disappointingly there wasn't a parade. Darn. Shouldn't such momentous things come with some outward celebration? I've had a revelation that has just very gently and naturally flowed into my life. It was, again, at the hand of a book that was "delivered" to me. What is this big pivot in my life? The truth that I am trying on is: what if who I am is enough?

I can't describe the relief that this possibility brings to my soul. I have tried for years to be better, to get it just right, and to be the person I think I should be or want to be. What if who I am is enough? It never even occurred to me that in trying to "improve" myself, I might have been telling myself all along that I wasn't good enough. It gives me much food for thought.

There is still the hard part of getting to know who I am, who I really and truly am underneath the roles I have created. But just the thought that all I need to do is figure out who I am, that's tons better than struggling to be someone else, a better version of me. I am going to ponder this new theory, try it on for size to see if it fits. I'm hoping that it does, I feel lighter already.

Cherish Each Moment

I named this blog "Everyday Moments" to remind myself that the moments I live through each and every day count. Yesterday, I really got the message. Sometimes it takes a while before I really feel the words and I finally absorb their full meaning. I skimmed my entries in this blob and am surprised by my own words. Sometimes I don't recognize her. I know I'm not done with learning to cherish each moment yet. Who's kidding who, this will be a lifelong process. But I know now that I am on the path. I read a comforting notion that I was on the right path even when I didn't know it. Whew, that was a relief!

Lately, as I become more awake to life, I feel like I am seeing things for the first time. It's exciting when everyday things take on new meaning when seen from this new perspective. It is true what they say about the moments being more alive and have layers of depth. Everyday mundane things become an entirely different experience when I slow down and savour them, be grateful for them. I am still amazed at just how much I have to be grateful for, when I am looking.

Wide Awake and Grateful

For so long, I have been asleep and unconscious to life. When one grows up, finishes school, gets a job, then another job and another, it is easy to sail along with whatever life brings. Sure, periodically I woke up, reassessed, did something about my life but easily fell back to sleep. I am grateful now for the past few months. It has brought me the gift of consciousness. I am awake now and intend to stay that way as often and as long as I can. I just need to leave myself plenty of reminders.

It's amazing how much clarity has come to me lately. I have had the luxury of time and silence to start to rediscover what has been dormant for so long. It makes me feel more prepared to be grateful for the incredible journey ahead. Had I been asleep still, I might have been happy but not grateful. I want to be grateful. I am grateful.